pretty funny

what are we going to say

when we get to heaven

and it's just Jesus 

sitting at a typewriter.

the innocence and the competency

What is needed is magic water to break a spell.

 

Antifa has to sign your social work license 

 

or you can’t be a Christian counselor.

 

You think it’s Africa but it’s Mars

 

You think it’s them but it’s us

 

Trump is going to put Andrew Jackson 

 

On every bill

 

which works out

 

If it means he has to pay for it all.

 

what is a jubilee

 

If not an explosion

 

Of jelly beans on easter.

two new poems

plan

I am going to copyright

blue rectangles

so that anyone who uses

that shape in a drawing

has to pay me 50 dollars.

 

 

Literary Edition

 

I think a good alternate title

for the Bible could have been

"A Very Special Whale"

because of the part in the story

with Jonah and the giant fish.

gibberish

people are saying "one smooth stone."

 

that was so sweet.

 

thanks conspiracy

 

thanks bean pod factory senders

 

if you were on square 9 in any september

 

then you have just won the flatch ratchet skill flag marble.

 

They said don't say any more poems

 

if what you are really trying to do

 

is a math problem.

 

That is a good idea.

 

To just say

 

the answer is 938 plus a repeating fraction,

 

and then let God think of the math problem

 

at some other time in history.

 

So you can say 

 

you were right all along

 

and a mathematician.

 

And maybe some people didn't think of that trick,

 

but still had a phone number,

 

or a sight of green leaves,

 

and their life turns out okay.

"Don't argue with God's decretive will."

Something I have always found crazy

is how there aren't many potpourri scents

called "electrical fire."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is the Problem

I'm very rude to America

even though America

hasn't been that rude to me

except for the subway ads

and bad music.

There are freight trains of thought

and roller coasters of thought.

There are Cassandra Crossing movies

about a virus on trains

and that is why we play the piano

on a Tuesday morning

for volunteer work

and a golden coin

from who?

Possibly from Moses

or a cartoon cow

who says moo when you

tell him your problem.

This poem will probably

fix everything

if people read it plus

fix everything.

Inaugural Poem II

Obama is my favorite president. 

I think they should rename Alabama

Alobama.

 

obama gave us a health care bill

the other presidents just made us ill.

 

abraham lincoln wasnt that bad.

james madison did not make me too mad.

 

but some presidents say words like pre-existing conditions, 

when really the goal should have been reparitions

 

That is why I am voting for bernie

to take all the cash that the rich people earnie.

new years resolutions

i have a problem wasting food 

and doing bad too much.

I waste the cheese and then the cream

and then the such and such.

 

but there is proof that i am not

as bad as it all sounds

i can't have wasted everything

to be 200 pounds.

poem

they said this is not a game.

you dont have to concede, you dont have to secede.

you dont have to exceed, you dont have to expel or repel.

you can just be a presbyterian.

it sounds complicated but that is so it will be a surprise

when you find out you dont have to do anything.

like not even clean your apartment

do dishes

care about anyone

or stop the inappropriate fixation on mice and rodents

which might have been the secret all along anyway.

 

God is saying to everyone

I told you not to squawk wrong

or say you don't want a birthday present on halloween.

I will think of something to say, too,

like how am i and how are you.

now i say the code once more

thats 5168234.

it unlocks a building near

down the street on second pier.

there are treasures, food and ham

unless i'm joking which I am.

poem

I think we should keep hope alive

That maybe the confederate generals

Really turned to stone

Poem in progress

Posterity will see my bratty-ness and praise the lord.

Praise the lord that they weren’t like me.

Praise the Lord that Reepicheep did not visit them

Only to find that the entire apartment

Was empty of life

Except for the three guinea pigs

Who will now go to China.

Reepicheep knows what is going on.

He has seen it in his adventures

Out at sea

And maybe at a city,

Or maybe just at ports.

You can eat the cheese grits now 

Or you can order a meal of scallops.

I’ll take the Mexican Corn

For five thousand.

poem

You’re not supposed to make fun of people’s religion
but what if someone falls down at church

Extra Prayer

Dear God, please quantify 4 million seemingly random people factors and take fifteen percentile groups per ranking and give each person and ever growing network based on work habit and casual interest sensibilities 50 trillion jackpot surprise bonus kits distributed in physical space near and far by angelic video game mapping animals who sneak in ten thousand extra prizes per associated friend and worker with nominated nation groups and boundless affiliation add-ons of collected jumble samplers for ten thousand generations with semi-predictable restarts and improvement replacements oriented around comfort standards or expressed wish gradients. Please take all prayers, efforts, endurance factors, and humble habits and attach 45 million prize package 63, 89, 41, 55, and a 400 wild card sampler plus new prize package author assortments to fractional units of either the intent stage indicators or results and causation extremes, replicating a preserved original design base that includes unexpected engineer participation to provide the mapping and personalized blessing presentation of eternal happy barrel theme provisions to recipients in 400 million locations at all times or places imaginable by either machine calculation or comical entertainment suggestions. Please include an optional restart trigger at every grid intersection after applying an invisible label field with secret layers to all spaces in known physical reality or imagination and dream space. Please cause the qualifiers to be rapidly flipping through multiple layer categories and increasing the gains for 800 secret accounts per person and additional inclusion segment, tracked by caring honor ace personnel and fun pets with role assignments. Please comfort the scared or sad people mixed in with all involved societies and participants, and enroll each person and unsuspecting associations in the blessing program for each district, with assigned managers for applying and distributing the extra bonuses based on future eligibilities, lottery entry wins, unrealized merit factors, generational hope and prayer extensions, and a scheduled time or work based broader collaboration meeting with attention permeation for all system providers. Please help everyone have access to the hope and relief benefits of the blessing and provision expansion promotions, as well as the reflected love fest comfort acknowledgments in personal meeting group experiences for ongoing and all-inclusive understanding goal acquisitions with no exclusion exceptions. Please help everyone know what to do for themselves and other people at all times and help us all perpetually benefit from participation in all of God’s provisions of love and food and happiness.

The Christmas Elephant

I like the real St. Nicholas and hope to visit him at the north pole in heaven

but for now some of the Santa Claus stuff at Christmas is bothering me

and I am wondering if it isn’t time

for a new tradition, such as the Christmas elephant.

people could let the Christmas elephant loose in the mall 

and as it wrecks all the stores 

kids can just pick out whatever they want right then.

kids will be like 

what happened to santa claus

and the good moms and dads will say
The Christmas elephant sat on his lap.

    

The shift of the rolling bop stop

If someone said they tamed some animals

But then you saw that it is just their pet guinea pigs

Who don’t bite that hard,

I would say, you might want to teach your own heart some honesty next time.

Then I would pour a glass of lemon lime soda all over my face.

People would take me to the hospital

And after several weeks of trying all the medicines

And recording a whole album of shrieks,

The right doctor will give me a bag of skittles

And say what’s really going on here?

And I will answer,

“I want a pet guinea pig too.”

Religious Poetry

Evangelicals should try some new strategies 

like hiding communion in the buffet at Golden Corral,

but I am still planning to be a member of First Presbyterian in Purgatory.

I wonder how rude it is to just sign the bulletin at church instead of singing.

Were there muppets on Noah’s ark?

People should be careful 

taking an elevator through their problems 

to talk to God.

There could be a pool table in the basement 

with a platter of refreshments from who knows where, 

and some friendly talking rodents signing anyone’s permission slip.

When it’s a potato’s birthday

When it’s a potato’s birthday,

do you put a candle in the potato?

Or do you put a candle in the cake
that you made for the potato?

A Cloud of Glory

A cloud of privilege to hide the suffering

A cloud of suffering to hide the gift

A cloud of gift to hide the work

A cloud of work to show the love.

A poem I found in my mind

When people are sad because they lose something

Sometimes everyone says

"You should be thankful for what you have"

But if you are sad about losing something

then isn't that proof that you were really thankful for it?

Mystery Idea

What if you were on a jury for a murder case

and then you figured out

that the defendant was innocent

and the person who really did it
was on the jury with you.

Casino Poem

The angel animals

in heaven

who are perpetually gambling

on our behalf

with each gold coin

that they are given

when we say and do the right thing

might win big

with the dollar they get

when people say

they don't believe
in gambling angel mice.