What is the Problem

I'm very rude to America

even though America

hasn't been that rude to me

except for the subway ads

and bad music.

There are freight trains of thought

and roller coasters of thought.

There are Cassandra Crossing movies

about a virus on trains

and that is why we play the piano

on a Tuesday morning

for volunteer work

and a golden coin

from who?

Possibly from Moses

or a cartoon cow

who says moo when you

tell him your problem.

This poem will probably

fix everything

if people read it plus

fix everything.

Inaugural Poem II

Obama is my favorite president. 

I think they should rename Alabama

Alobama.

 

obama gave us a health care bill

the other presidents just made us ill.

 

abraham lincoln wasnt that bad.

james madison did not make me too mad.

 

but some presidents say words like pre-existing conditions, 

when really the goal should have been reparitions

 

That is why I am voting for bernie

to take all the cash that the rich people earnie.

new years resolutions

i have a problem wasting food 

and doing bad too much.

I waste the cheese and then the cream

and then the such and such.

 

but there is proof that i am not

as bad as it all sounds

i can't have wasted everything

to be 200 pounds.

poem

they said this is not a game.

you dont have to concede, you dont have to secede.

you dont have to exceed, you dont have to expel or repel.

you can just be a presbyterian.

it sounds complicated but that is so it will be a surprise

when you find out you dont have to do anything.

like not even clean your apartment

do dishes

care about anyone

or stop the inappropriate fixation on mice and rodents

which might have been the secret all along anyway.

 

God is saying to everyone

I told you not to squawk wrong

or say you don't want a birthday present on halloween.

I will think of something to say, too,

like how am i and how are you.

now i say the code once more

thats 5168234.

it unlocks a building near

down the street on second pier.

there are treasures, food and ham

unless i'm joking which I am.

poem

I think we should keep hope alive

That maybe the confederate generals

Really turned to stone

Poem in progress

Posterity will see my bratty-ness and praise the lord.

Praise the lord that they weren’t like me.

Praise the Lord that Reepicheep did not visit them

Only to find that the entire apartment

Was empty of life

Except for the three guinea pigs

Who will now go to China.

Reepicheep knows what is going on.

He has seen it in his adventures

Out at sea

And maybe at a city,

Or maybe just at ports.

You can eat the cheese grits now 

Or you can order a meal of scallops.

I’ll take the Mexican Corn

For five thousand.

poem

You’re not supposed to make fun of people’s religion
but what if someone falls down at church

Extra Prayer

Dear God, please quantify 4 million seemingly random people factors and take fifteen percentile groups per ranking and give each person and ever growing network based on work habit and casual interest sensibilities 50 trillion jackpot surprise bonus kits distributed in physical space near and far by angelic video game mapping animals who sneak in ten thousand extra prizes per associated friend and worker with nominated nation groups and boundless affiliation add-ons of collected jumble samplers for ten thousand generations with semi-predictable restarts and improvement replacements oriented around comfort standards or expressed wish gradients. Please take all prayers, efforts, endurance factors, and humble habits and attach 45 million prize package 63, 89, 41, 55, and a 400 wild card sampler plus new prize package author assortments to fractional units of either the intent stage indicators or results and causation extremes, replicating a preserved original design base that includes unexpected engineer participation to provide the mapping and personalized blessing presentation of eternal happy barrel theme provisions to recipients in 400 million locations at all times or places imaginable by either machine calculation or comical entertainment suggestions. Please include an optional restart trigger at every grid intersection after applying an invisible label field with secret layers to all spaces in known physical reality or imagination and dream space. Please cause the qualifiers to be rapidly flipping through multiple layer categories and increasing the gains for 800 secret accounts per person and additional inclusion segment, tracked by caring honor ace personnel and fun pets with role assignments. Please comfort the scared or sad people mixed in with all involved societies and participants, and enroll each person and unsuspecting associations in the blessing program for each district, with assigned managers for applying and distributing the extra bonuses based on future eligibilities, lottery entry wins, unrealized merit factors, generational hope and prayer extensions, and a scheduled time or work based broader collaboration meeting with attention permeation for all system providers. Please help everyone have access to the hope and relief benefits of the blessing and provision expansion promotions, as well as the reflected love fest comfort acknowledgments in personal meeting group experiences for ongoing and all-inclusive understanding goal acquisitions with no exclusion exceptions. Please help everyone know what to do for themselves and other people at all times and help us all perpetually benefit from participation in all of God’s provisions of love and food and happiness.

The Christmas Elephant

I like the real St. Nicholas and hope to visit him at the north pole in heaven

but for now some of the Santa Claus stuff at Christmas is bothering me

and I am wondering if it isn’t time

for a new tradition, such as the Christmas elephant.

people could let the Christmas elephant loose in the mall 

and as it wrecks all the stores 

kids can just pick out whatever they want right then.

kids will be like 

what happened to santa claus

and the good moms and dads will say
The Christmas elephant sat on his lap.

    

The shift of the rolling bop stop

If someone said they tamed some animals

But then you saw that it is just their pet guinea pigs

Who don’t bite that hard,

I would say, you might want to teach your own heart some honesty next time.

Then I would pour a glass of lemon lime soda all over my face.

People would take me to the hospital

And after several weeks of trying all the medicines

And recording a whole album of shrieks,

The right doctor will give me a bag of skittles

And say what’s really going on here?

And I will answer,

“I want a pet guinea pig too.”

Religious Poetry

Evangelicals should try some new strategies 

like hiding communion in the buffet at Golden Corral,

but I am still planning to be a member of First Presbyterian in Purgatory.

I wonder how rude it is to just sign the bulletin at church instead of singing.

Were there muppets on Noah’s ark?

People should be careful 

taking an elevator through their problems 

to talk to God.

There could be a pool table in the basement 

with a platter of refreshments from who knows where, 

and some friendly talking rodents signing anyone’s permission slip.

When it’s a potato’s birthday

When it’s a potato’s birthday,

do you put a candle in the potato?

Or do you put a candle in the cake
that you made for the potato?

A Cloud of Glory

A cloud of privilege to hide the suffering

A cloud of suffering to hide the gift

A cloud of gift to hide the work

A cloud of work to show the love.

A poem I found in my mind

When people are sad because they lose something

Sometimes everyone says

"You should be thankful for what you have"

But if you are sad about losing something

then isn't that proof that you were really thankful for it?

Mystery Idea

What if you were on a jury for a murder case

and then you figured out

that the defendant was innocent

and the person who really did it
was on the jury with you.

Casino Poem

The angel animals

in heaven

who are perpetually gambling

on our behalf

with each gold coin

that they are given

when we say and do the right thing

might win big

with the dollar they get

when people say

they don't believe
in gambling angel mice.

Poem

What if you were in the hospital

And it was the Neurology Unit

And they gave you some Jello
And it was gray and wrinkled.

Salvation is not all that God does

When people repay my kindness

With ding dang ding dang

Chopple chopple bing bang

I stand up and sing a song of freedom

And I open a briefcase

With a little mouse inside

That holds a tiny poster saying

Everything God does

Is salvation.

cursive and red ink

God is not pleased

With some of my ways and means.

And sayings and doings

And glances and musings.

With some of my wheelings and dealings

And thoughts and feelings.

And my no good two faced underhanded

yellow bellied crooked swindles.

My snap flap clap trap escpades.

And yet my name is written

In the one and only

Book of life

And the ink and signature

Was probably lifted

With a carbon print
Right off of one of my traffic tickets.

Hmm I wonder how I figured this out

If you are a cashier
and you are mad at people
then instead of saying
"Have a great day"
you could say
"Have a gray day"
and people would probably not know.

The Path of the Rolling Night Fire

Some people 

are sounding the war gong 

But I am here to say

That Chiquita

Like Chiquita bananas

Should have a clothing line.

And the soldier mice will say

"You will suffer me,"

Just like in the movies

But one little mouse will say

"I want my mommy"

So they will make him a cook

And we all know what you will do

You will say

"I forgot my wallet"

And then who will pay

Well it will be Jesus Christ

With his blood on the cross.

Some people

Some people are good but wrong. 
Some people are right but bad. 
Some people are bad and wrong 
but are telling the truth. 
Some people are good and right 
and are telling the truth 
but they are being mean. 
Some people are nice 
but aren't telling the truth. 
Some people are nice
and right and good and are telling the truth  
but aren't doing what they are supposed to. 
Some people are bad and wrong and mean 
and aren't telling the truth 
and aren't doing what they are supposed to. 
Some people are mad.

This poem is a filler just for cash.

Most of my other poems

were sincere attempts

at little jokes

but this poem

is just to take up space

on paper and in people's minds

in hopes that I can get a little extra cash

to spend on advertisements

to try to sell
this poem.

The Easter Frog

Something that people don't talk about much is the Easter Frog.  The Easter Frog is friends with the Easter Bunny and stops at some of the same houses, but also stops at some houses where the Easter Bunny doesn't go.  The Easter Frog doesn't usually visit people on Easter, because he can't risk getting caught.  The Easter Frog has to keep out of trouble so he can visit the people who most need him.  The Easter Frog doesn't leave candy in a basket out where people can see it.  Instead, he sneaks some nice surprise into people's ordinary days when they are least expecting it. Usually people don't even know that they have been visited by the Easter Frog.  They simply find a wonderful smooth stone on their way home from school, or they get an extra cookie on their lunch tray one day, or they find five dollars in an old wallet when they are cleaning.  Sometimes they get something big like a surprise day off that the Easter Frog arranged with their boss.  But it is always supposed to be a secret. If you suspect that something nice has happened to you because of the Easter Frog, you should not tell people that you think you got visited by the Easter Frog.  In fact, you should say "I doubt that this is because of the Easter Frog."

Some people must stay alive

We need some people

to live to tell

to eat some ice cream

and all be well

to pass the torch

and plant a tree

so I keep going
in case that's me.

If I ever don't know what to say

If I ever don't know what to say,

maybe I could just ask people

if they are going to the picnic.

and they will say "What picnic?"
and I will say "I don't know."

The Next Year Reindeer

       At the North Pole, there is a friendly and soft reindeer named Rufus. He is a nice googly eyed deer who likes to wear Christmas lights in his antlers and has a lot of friends who are Christmas mice.

One year he heard about some situations in stores where they ran out of the toys that children wanted.  The managers said to the people, "Maybe next year."

Soon after that, Rufus heard about some parents who wanted to buy some new furniture instead of toys for the kids. When the kids asked for the toys they wanted, the parents said "Maybe next year."

Rufus also went to a meeting with Santa and saw Santa look at a letter from a child who had only been a little bit good that year but was asking for a big toy. Santa put the letter aside and said "Maybe next year."

Rufus cried a little bit and went back to his stable. He talked to his Christmas mice friends and said, "I think these kids should get toys now.  Will you guys help me?" 

The Christmas mice said "Of course," and they hurried to fill up some bags with toys.

At about 9 oclock on Christmas Eve, way before he was supposed to join the other reindeer to pull Santa's sleigh, Rufus picked up the big bag of toys and dragged it through the snow.  Then he and the mice hopped on a bus and started to deliver the toys.  Everywhere he went, people petted him and thanked him.

It was almost midnight but he still had one toy left.  He decided to take it to a little girl who had wanted a wonderful unicorn stuffed animal. 

When Rufus got to her house, the little girl was sipping hot chocolate with her mom. Rufus gave her the unicorn and she and her mom both cried because they were so happy.  They shared some hot chocolate with Rufus and all the mice and gave Rufus a plaid blanket to take home. 

When Rufus got back to his stable at the North Pole, Santa and the other reindeer had already left to go deliver presents. A Christmas bird said to Rufus, "Rufus, why aren't you flying with Santa and the other reindeer?"
   Rufus curled up under his new blanket and said, "Maybe next year."