The Christmas Elephant

I like the real St. Nicholas and hope to visit him at the north pole in heaven

but for now some of the Santa Claus stuff at Christmas is bothering me

and I am wondering if it isn’t time

for a new tradition, such as the Christmas elephant.

people could let the Christmas elephant loose in the mall 

and as it wrecks all the stores 

kids can just pick out whatever they want right then.

kids will be like 

what happened to santa claus

and the good moms and dads will say
The Christmas elephant sat on his lap.

    

The shift of the rolling bop stop

If someone said they tamed some animals

But then you saw that it is just their pet guinea pigs

Who don’t bite that hard,

I would say, you might want to teach your own heart some honesty next time.

Then I would pour a glass of lemon lime soda all over my face.

People would take me to the hospital

And after several weeks of trying all the medicines

And recording a whole album of shrieks,

The right doctor will give me a bag of skittles

And say what’s really going on here?

And I will answer,

“I want a pet guinea pig too.”

Religious Poetry

Evangelicals should try some new strategies 

like hiding communion in the buffet at Golden Corral,

but I am still planning to be a member of First Presbyterian in Purgatory.

I wonder how rude it is to just sign the bulletin at church instead of singing.

Were there muppets on Noah’s ark?

People should be careful 

taking an elevator through their problems 

to talk to God.

There could be a pool table in the basement 

with a platter of refreshments from who knows where, 

and some friendly talking rodents signing anyone’s permission slip.