Party Cheese

     As my friends started to arrive to my house for the Halloween party, I had a worrisome fear growing in my mind.  I had thought it would be funny to invite Freddy Kruger and now I was feeling like it was the wrong thing to do. Most of the people there were my coworkers from my bookstore job, but I told them that I had a few other friends who would be there.  Some were from my church, and one girl named Emily James was already friends with Jenn C from work.  They were happy to see each other, and my anxiety subsided a little bit as I listened to them catch up cheerfully.  Jenn had dressed up as the thing from Nightmare Before Christmas, and Emily was dressed as Dorothy from Wizard of Oz. I had on a dark garbage bag stuffed with newspaper. It was an idea for a raisin costume that I had been using off and on for many halloweens since I first learned the idea in elementary school.  

    “I should have been one of those abstract costumes,” I said, “like a philosophy idea.”  My friend John started brainstorming ideas as jokes but I could not think of anything.  I was too worried about whether Freddy Kruger was going to show up.

    John’s costume was a devil costume, which was kind of funny because we were both really religious and saw it as him pretending to be Satan.

    Another friend of mine named Kathy came in her Harry Potter crystal ball reader costume that she had worn to the harry potter party at our bookstore.  It was kind of an honor for her to be there because she was older than us and a famous textbook writer.

    Someone answered the door for me and my stomach plunged. It was Freddy Kruger.  Or at least it looked like him. I then realized it was actually my friend Ryan who had dressed as Freddy Kruger.

    I didn’t know whether the real Freddy Kruger would just show up as himself or if he would wear a costume as something else. I looked around to make sure he wasn’t already there. When I went to the kitchen, I found that Freddy Kruger had actually arrived much earlier and was at the counter chopping up apples with his razor hands.  He arranged the apples in a circle with some caramel dip. On his head were some pumpkin deedelly boppers that my friend Mickie gave him.

    "Thank you for inviting me,” he said.  “I’ve never felt included before and I have decided to accept Jesus as my savior."

A stretch of the imagination

If all the humans on earth

ever agreed on one thing 

we could all have 

I bet it would be

a giant piece of taffy bigger than the sky.

 

People say why not world peace.

Well it’s like irony,

you agree on the taffy 

and then there’s the peace. 

In fact, all along, we just spelled piece wrong.

A Snappy Comeback

Fifi decided to go to the Thai restaurant a mile from her house. She had vowed to eat there once when she walked by on her way home, so finally one day she stopped by for a meal.  She ordered chicken curry and a snapple. The snapple looked cloudy in the sunlight and it made her think of a recent kidney problem that caused certain symptoms, which is to say cloudy urine.  Fifi chuckled to herself and thought about how it would be funny to say that in polite company. In fact, she started imagining a scenario where she would go out to eat with a date and meet his parents, and then say to them, this snapple reminds me of cloudy urine from kidney problems.  

Fifi hopped online and started an account on a dating site.  She set the location radius to very nearby so that she could meet someone close to the Thai restaurant.  That way, it would be believable when she invited his parents to eat there too.  It would take time to set it all up but it would be a really funny story to tell friends some day.

A guy quickly found her profile and started a communication.  Fifi said she was interested in meeting up, and they arranged a date the very next day.  It was, of course, at the Thai restaurant.

To Fifi’s surprise, the guy ordered snapple.  Fifi used a lot of self control to save her joke for when she could say it in front of other more proper people and embarrass this very person.

But when the waitress brought out the cold large glass of pink snapple, and one for Fifi as well, the guy said, Gosh, it’s cloudy. It reminds me of the pee from my kidney problems.

Fifi could not believe it.  “you have kidney problems?”

“Yeah,” said the guy named steve. “Soon I will have to go to dialysis.”

Fifi looked at Steve and felt her life change.  “Do you need someone to go to dialysis with you?” she said.

“Yeah,” said Steve.  “I would love that.  But you don’t have to.”

“I have kidney problems, too,” said Fifi.

Fifi and Steve knew then they were meant for each other and they faced their declining health together.

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Bread

Work is worth it, years of toil

Things to live for on this soil

Wages, people, status, land.

Earning things in high demand.

You want the houses boats and cars

But some nice things just come in jars

Through all life’s goals that seem so tough

Strawberry jam might be enough.

“Now York City”

I wonder what New York City is like in heaven.  

Is it all the neighborhoods preserved, 

or different time periods lined up in a row?  

The bible talks about the new Jerusalem.  

I wonder if that is where everyone lives 

or if some people can live in the new new york city. 

So maybe they did not brand that well,

Because it would say “new” twice.

Well maybe there is a lot of newness to it.

Or maybe we should call ourselves Old York now.

Biophysics Theory

Something that I was wondering about is how maybe the planet orbits create a time loop and our future is also in our past.  And something funny that could happen in the year four thousand is that there is a black hole that people mistake for a solar eclipse. The people are going to see it in the sky and say hey there is an eclipse, but then they feel a force and the earth is sucked into the black hole.  This becomes the main seal of the time loop, where time becomes a continuous loop with no break whatsoever.  It is kind of scary because to imagine it would seem like one of those drawings where a snake eats its tail.  And in the Bible when it talks about the beginning of time, there is a snake in the garden.  Could that perhaps refer to this time loop and everyone is trapped in the “snake age” stomach as we live our lives?  That would also match the idea of salvation in the bible. Probably I should start telling my theory to the scientists and theology people.  One of my friends teaches college Physics and I thought about telling him my other theory about the universe expanding and how everyone thinks of it all expanding uniformly but in the paper towel commercials when they spill the orange kool-aid, it makes an uneven shape. That is why after I explain these theories to everyone, I will serve kool-aid.  Well something like that has happened before, hasn’t it.  Yes it has, and maybe it is because of the time loop.