poem

 Today's sermon is entitled,

I guess it's all just a crapshoot

Animal Behavior

God’s going to commit suicide when he reads my poems.

 

He’s not going to believe some of the ideas I thought of.

 

That one that says, 

 

“dessert first, that’s my rule, dessert last, also cool,

 

He’s going to say, “Why isn’t this in the bible?”

 

He’s going to write a new bible that says more about guinea pigs and other rodents.

 

He’s going to say, this is why I sent my son to die on the cross,

 

For this very reason,

 

And then he’s going to create a new rule

 

Even stricter than the golden rule,

 

And it will be called the platinum rule,

 

Where you cant say anything

 

Without first eating a plate of tarts

 

And a mug of hot chocolate,

 

And then go to the mall

 

To buy a blanket 

 

for every groundhog

 

disguised as a friend.

 Poem

 

What if Judgement Day is organized

According to the high schools people went to

And it is like a battle of the bands

With points and scoreboards

 

 

Poem

 

You know how they have those churches

That are modern and are called things like

The Edge, or the Verve, or such and such?

What if there was a ministry called “Bullcrap.”

 

“Hey we missed you at Bullcrap last week.”